Woes of a 'lawyer buruk'
The most nerve-wrecking part about being a law student is when the results get released – of course, the examination period is just as bad but it’s when the results are out that play as judgement day. Yesterday, it was my turn.
With shaking hands and a faint heart, I keyed in my candidate number, SRN number and selected my date of birth and hit the ‘Results’ button. There it was, right before my eyes. I didn’t know whether to request for a re-check or blink a few more times because I couldn’t believe those results belonged to me.
I failed, yet again.
This was getting too overwhelming for me. Not only was I down with a fever, a runny nose and inflamed tonsils but now I had to let the weight of my failures sink in. I sought the one place I knew to calm my nerves and take in a few breaths – my bedroom. I was left alone at home, free to cry and find closure and eventually, I fell asleep. That happened to be the best solution. My body was heating up and my heart…well, it felt like it had been bruised.
When I’d woken up 4 hours later, I had a choice to make – to continue feeling sorry for myself or seek other options (and eventually, tell Dad). Though the easier option would be to curl up into a ball and cease into oblivion, I mustered enough courage to send Dad a text via WhatsApp.
I had prepared myself for firing and silent treatment but what I’d gotten instead were words of encouragement and the love of an understanding father. It’s at times like these when I count my lucky stars for being blessed with a father like mine. Though he throws me into deep ends to swim with sharks, he only has my best interests at heart and I’d be a fool to take that for granted.
Though pleasing him is what I aim to do, that shouldn’t only be the only reason why I’m doing law. It boils down to how bad I want it and if this is what I really want.
It turns out, I don’t love it and neither do I want to continue doing it. BUT since I have another one and a half years to go, I decided to just go through with it.
I’m already halfway there anyways.