Flight risk with a fear of falling
I never really thought this through in its entirety.
But ever since I’ve been feeling this way, I know now how much I hate it.
The ‘Hi, how are you?’ was never the problem, neither was the ‘I’m good, how about you?’
Usually you don’t respond but this time, you thought it would be nice if you did.
The conversation then takes its course and before you know it, there’s fireworks and sparks flying everywhere when you realize how much you enjoy his company; you smile as you read his replies and try to be as entertaining as possible, in hopes he likes you back – all the while secretly hoping and praying there’ll always be a tomorrow.
But the problem starts when he doesn’t.
You end up questioning if it was something you did, or something you said that scared him away. Whether you were too sarcastic or just too damn boring than compared to the other girls he has pursued. You wonder if he has found someone else to accompany at night.
You then log into Facebook just to check and see if the blue dot next to his name lights up; not to mention the many times you click on your Whatsapp chat just to see if he’s ‘online’. And then ask yourself again, ‘Why isn’t he texting me?’ I mean, it would be easier to just send a text but you don’t want to be the one who texts first.
You’re obsessed and restless, and constantly checking your phone, jumping at every vibration it makes, hoping it’s him.
The problem was never with meeting strangers and watching friendships blossom, it’s the process of it that I dislike. The process of getting to know each other, forming a connection and just when your hopes are raised sky high, you realize it’s a one-way street and there are no traffic lights indicating when is the right time to slow down and stop because you’ve gone all the way and felt too much.
This is the feeling I'm talking about - the feeling I despise.
But as days go by, you wake up and live your life as usual. You go for your runs and make yourself hearty breakfasts for one and keep busy just to cloud your mind with anything but thoughts of him.
And slowly but surely, it'll be as if he never crossed your path; he never said that 'Hi, how are you?' and you didn't reply that 'I'm good, how about you?' - it'll be as if he never existed.
As for you, well... you'll be just fine.