The past & present
I've been re-visiting my old blog recently and as I read all that has been written over the years, I can't help but wonder, "What the hell happened to this girl?" I used to be filled with wander and curiosity; so in-touch with my feelings that my emotions immediately flowed through my fingertips as soon as my keyboard is placed in front of me.
But it's now 4 years later and I find myself constantly reassuring myself that if I'm not the girl I used to be, it must be a good thing because one can never stay the same forever - then, it'll mean that one doesn't learn anything, one doesn't grow, one doesn't evolve. Even with all that reassuring, you'd think my mind and heart would come to terms with it but it always ends up feeling otherwise. In more ways than one, I do miss the girl who wrote all that. I was young, free and reckless but happy and always-ready to learn from my mistakes.
Now, it's just 24 year-old me; with an exam pending to be re-sat so i can move on to my final year, a job I have yet to go back to, and constantly waiting for the next paycheck although I'm not employed. I'm stuck in a rut - if 'rut' is the word to settle for because to be honest, it sure feels like I'm stuck in a dark, dusty pit which has been dug too deep into the ground and I'm all the way down there, suffocating but not doing anything to try and get out. That's what my days feel like as of late.
However, refusing to drown in my own self-pity, my days are finally looking up. If I've learned anything, it would be to always surround yourself with positivity - be it with people or your mental state of mind. One may not notice it but much good can come from the way you see the world with eyes of wonder and a heart that's not filled with hate.
And you know what gets me out of bed every morning? It's the fact that no matter how big my problems seem, they are nothing compared to what other people are going through or are having to juggle on their plate. And if I continue to dwell in self-pity, whine and complain about how shitty my day is, it will continue to be that way unless I get up and do something about it.
It's Monday today - marking the start of my birthday week. I'm not as ecstatic as I'm supposed to be but 24 is a nice number and if I keep telling myself that, this year would be a good year.
Have a blessed week, y'all!
Love always, Krissy xx